The Beginners Guide To Happiness


In this article, I skim the iceberg of what a mere taste of happiness can be. Many of us are often bombarded day-to-day with self-help books on what joy is and how to achieve it. Some of the people writing these books have PHD’s on what it means to be happy. I’ve found that they’re just the blind leading the blind.

It helps their career but rarely does it benefit those who buy their content. All they offer is emotional relief and not a cure. In the following segments, I take you through the reasons why you don’t need people and finish with some advice on what it means to be happy. I give you the cure without the relief.


Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

Books on how to gain friends are trendy these days. You will see them in all the bookstores, Youtube and even bloggers telling you that, “You need friends to be happy”. Have you ever heard such rubbish in all your life? Take those magazines and burn them. If your happiness depends upon having the company of other people in your life, then your goals of becoming happy have been severely inhibited. 

The minute you tell someone they need friends to be happy, you’ve put up another barrier to happiness for them. Why? Because now they’re convinced that friends are necessary to be able to enjoy their lives. It’s time to cut off the excess fat like this that clogs up the arteries of your ability to reason and breathe some natural happiness. You don’t need anybody; it’s an illusion; it’s not real. 

Take, for instance, the camel who’s being tied up for the night by his master’s servant. The servant confessed his inability to tie a good knot to prevent the camel from escaping. The master calmed his servant down and said, “It’s ok, these animals are stupid. All you need to do is go through the motions of tying the rope to the post and the stupid camel will stay put.” See? And sure enough, the animal stayed put all through the night as explained by the master of the house. 

Our minds become tied to illusions that do not exist. We are already free, but we’ve enslaved ourselves. There are many illusions, but one of them is that we need friends to be happy. Indeed, we need to make connections, and it’s nice to have company as we are not hermits. It’s ok to make friends with people but the idea that your happiness depends upon them? What a load of rubbish and don’t you dare buy into it. 


Photo by Paulo Silva on Unsplash

The world tells us we need to be active and robust in the face of adversity, learning how to deal with toxic people. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, it requires humility to accept our fragility. We need to prevent establishing relationships with people who become an obstacle to getting strong. 

All too often, we give others control over our thoughts, behaviour and can never really have a sense of liberation. The days of slavery are over, yet many of us are often slaves to others that dominate how we should look, speak and behave. Why be a slave? Sever that ball and chain immediately and let those people go. Another lump of fat clogging up your arteries and preventing happiness from flowing through your veins are poisonous people. Get rid of them. 


Are you ready for an uncomfortable truth? Nobody is to blame for your existing emotional state. Neither the man who beat you up, cursed at you nor the woman who divorced you, taking everything you own is to blame. Indeed, they are to blame for their actions, and it needs to get addressed. 

However, we can deal with those actions without becoming upset, see? We’ve received special programming by the world that everything time someone does something terrible to us, our cue is to become angry. Are you supposed to be upset? It wouldn’t be natural, they say. Haha, garbage!!!! and if you buy into that then maybe you deserve to be miserable. 

Happiness is our natural state, not being upset and allowing our emotions to become dictated by another’s behaviour. Do you enjoy being a robot where people press your angry button, and you get mad? Then they press your upset button and bring you down. You like being a robot? Those buttons exist because the culture put them there. They taught you this was your natural state . You want to be happy? Then It’s time to rewire the system for a new you. 


Photo by Marko Blažević on Unsplash

We all want that better job and to secure a career. Sometimes this requires a bit of ass-kissing and having no choice but to warm up to others approval to get it. The idea, however, that we need to do it to mentally survive and be happy is incredibly naive. 

Be honest with yourself. Whose approval are you seeking now, not for business gain but out of emotional need? It’s driving you insane that she won’t respond to your texts or thinks ill of you, right? I want you now to say to that person mentally or call them up if you like and say, “I do not need you for my happiness. The world has taught me I need your approval that I may maintain a level of happiness. It is not true, and today I’ve begun a journey to break that programming.” 

Wow…What utter freedom and sense of liberation does it feel to have no more prolonged need of another persons approval, huh? Or perhaps you’re experiencing the opposite and having a hard time letting go. Reprogramming the self isn’t easy. A house never becomes built-in a day, but brick by brick. Therefore, take it easy on yourself. You’ve been through a lot in life, and the cream of clarity heals the wound in time. You’re not the problem; you’re the victim. It’s your programming that’s the problem, not you.  


Image by Free Creative Stuff from Pixabay

I stood in the local college a few weeks ago awaiting an appointment with a lecturer. On the wall, some younger kids drew their ideas of what happiness is. Some said, “happiness is sitting lying in bed watching Netflix”. Others said “happiness is my XBOX ONE YEAHHHH!!!!” 

The reason why we can’t get happy is because we are linking so many illusory chains about what happiness is, and they cling to our souls weighing us down. Netflix and Xbox don’t make us happy they thrill us. They’re just thrills.

There is a difference between experiencing a thrilling moment and happiness. Happiness is a state of being where we no longer are thrilled and then five minutes later are down about something. Relying on thrills to bring us back to that point of contentment again is not happiness. 

The only way to experience happiness is to understand first what doesn’t give us satisfaction. This journey requires discipline and of course, the Grace of God. The reason why I’m reluctant to talk about Jesus in this post is that first, I need to inspire within you a desire to question who you are, and what the world has fed you.

When I talk about Jesus to irreligious people, they immediately switch off. Why? Because they don’t know him. But I know Him, and he’s the one behind why I’m here right now talking to you. I want to introduce you to Him, but I’m a firm believer that you need reasons to seek him and the fact that you’re miserable is one of them. 

In the movie the Matrix, Neo needed a reason to be brought to Morpheus. One of those reasons is that he’d begun to question who he was and the world around him. It made perfect sense then that Morpheus would come looking for him. It’s a movie that mirrors the truth of Christianity and Jesus who will respond to those who genuinely seek Him. Like Morpheus, he’s looking for people who seek a way out of their pain that he may approach them. Is that you? 

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