I Didn’t Want To Receive Holy Communion Today But Then This Happened

Image by James Chan from Pixabay

I went to Church today and sat at the back where I usually sit. You’re probably wondering why I do this. I used to sit near the front, but from doing so kept getting asked to be a reader, deacon or involved in life on the Altar. It’s the same at a comedy show where a comedian is giving a gig. Everyone knows the number 1 rule of never sitting near the front. Sometimes the Church is no different.

All morning even during mass I kept getting bad sinful thoughts and although uncontrollable and most likely venial in nature, I didn’t want to receive Holy Communion. None of us is ever worthy of Holy Communion but I just felt particularly unworthy that morning. As this feeling washed over me I recalled the story of St.Alphonsus de Ligouri who, towards the end of his life wouldn’t receive Holy Communion.

I decided to go up anyway. The Eucharistic minister proceeds to hand me Holy Communion but instead of one host he gives me two. He notices this but is unable to separate them so places these two in my hand. I’ve never really stood in the Communion line before and felt so confused. I went into a bit of a daze while a thousand theological arguments ran through my brain as to why I can’t have two hosts and can only receive one a day. Two at a time, huh? Is that allowed? But the initial thought had been that this is Jesus response to my not feeling up for receiving Holy Communion.

He then woke me up a bit by urging me to just take them. I stepped to one side, took these two Hosts fused together and sat back down. It was obviously a sign from Jesus. I’ve no idea what He was trying to say to me but probably letting me know I’m being too hard on myself. I don’t normally get nervous at receiving Holy Communion at Divine Liturgy and today was a first for me.

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